Smokinhotbooks Attempts At-Home Waxing

July 13th, 2011 by K.C.

After convincing myself that I should at least try just one more area since I’ve read the directions for the fourth time and should definitely be more successful in my efforts. On goes the now almost solidified wax, no time to run to the microwave again, Mr. K could be getting up at any moment. Oh god, the pain is now twice as worse. The pieces even smaller and I was overly generous with my application and now I can’t get it off. There’s no way Mr. K could possible be sleeping through my grunts and expletives. Rip. ‘Aw Jesus’! Rip, Rip, Rip. ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh’! The door to the bathroom rattles, “What the hell are you doing in there”!? I have my leg bent at a most unseemly angel on the counter, my ‘No Mistakes Mirror’ has been placed on the covered toilet seat and wax particles are littered all over the floor.

Now the banging has started, “Let me in”! My response, “Can’t you tell that this one is OCCUPIED”! “Go the McDonalds if you have to go”. More rips and grunts ensue.

Mr. K “What the hell are you doing!”

I am beaten. I have no more fight in me. Wax I refuse to rip off is littered all over my body, the bathroom floor is a mess, and to complete my humiliation I now have two bald spots and the ‘healing oil’ I’m furiously rubbing everywhere is not taking off the excess wax. I yank open the door and walk out in a huff. Nevermind that my face looks like I’ve run a half marathon, or that I’m limping, I still have my dignity. I grab the contents of my at home waxing kit and viciously shove it all in the trash. $15.00 down the toilet.  I sniff a little bit and state that I was attempting to wax myself at home. Mr. K’s perplexed response, “Why didn’t you just use my nose hair trimmers?”

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Posted in Random Funny | 33 comments

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33 comments on this post.

  1. Jess (The Cozy Reader):

    July 13th, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Holy shit, I’m laughing soo bad! Don’t you know those kits are E.V.I.L! Poor girl! I’ve never had a professional wax job but I’m very interested in it. I will never again try an at home waxing on any body hair.

    Thanks for sharing! I’m sure your experience will prevent another woman from self torture. :)

  2. Patti (Book Addict):

    July 13th, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I tried this once, with hubs assistance. It didn’t go well – here’s my (short) cryptic blog post to my two sisters-in-law:
    http://sleeplessinneworleans.blogspot.com/2008/06/wax-on-wax-off.html

  3. K.C.:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    @Jess never.again. ever. ever. ever.

    @Patti OMG your hubs helped, you. LOL!!!!

  4. MamaKitty:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    ROFLMAO omg girl. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at your misfortune but… Well, the way you told it, it’s hilarious. At the time I know it wasn’t funny at all. How do I know? Been there. And I will never. ever. EVER. buy one of those at home waxing kits ever again. If I want to torture myself, I’ll just borrow one of Monkey’s Jonas Brothers’ CDs and lock myself in a room with no Internet access, no TV, and no books.

  5. K.C.:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    @mamakitty I intentionally broke my ‘no mistake mirror’ and I’m not sorry!

  6. Dren:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    OMG!! KC I was laughing so hard, my hubs came into my office. We finished reading your post together!! I felt every tug and pull you described ROFL

  7. K.C.:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    @Dren K, took one for the team and tried to wax herself. I learned this ‘hard’ lesson in college. No matter how bad the economy is….don’t wax at home people!

  8. jaymzangel:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    LMFAO!!! being a girl is such a bitch. guys have no idea what we go through.

  9. K.C.:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    @jaymzangel word.

  10. Mrs K-Kahn The Other Half of Smokinhotbooks:

    July 13th, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    I was this close (pinches fingers together) to enlisting Mr. K’s help. Had I been brain-washed by that stupid Dr. Phil episode talking about appropriate ‘boundaries’ for couples, his ass would have been on emergency wax EVAC duty. Lesson learned, despite the troubles of this economy NEVER attempt to do this at home! It’s practically a form of self-mutilation.

  11. Leontine:

    July 13th, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    I’m sitting here at 7.45 AM eating breakfast but food is forgotten as I read on in horror. I actually attempted an at home wax job when I was 17 and I peeled of layeres of skin with it :( As I am reading this I have replacement pain for you!! Did you munch down some cadburry chocolate to infuse body with endorphines to counter the pain buzz??

  12. Stella (Ex Libris):

    July 14th, 2011 at 6:13 am

    LOL, poor you :-)

    I’ve been waxing myself, my 2 sisters and my mom for about 10 years now. I agree with you those microwave kits are useless creations of the Devil (=sadistic men who never even attempted waxing), but I have this kit (been using it for about 10 years now, and still great):

    http://netker8.eu/shop_ordered/1971/shop_pic/XE9085

    In my area the estheticians also use this kind of waxing, only bigger, and it only cost about 25 USD.

    There are wax catridges you can buy separately, you put them in the heater and leave it for up to 25-40 mins, and it works wonderfully.

    Sorry to hear you had such a traumatic experience *hugs* and your husband :-D lol

  13. Dara Young:

    July 14th, 2011 at 6:15 am

    LMFAO! You two will never learn much to my reading enjoyment. My leg bleeds in sympathy for you. *hugs* Hope you can talk Mr. K into letting you go back to your waxing BFF!

  14. KB/KT Grant:

    July 14th, 2011 at 8:35 am

    No words *on floor laughing ass off*

  15. ferishia:

    July 14th, 2011 at 8:46 am

    I am trying really hard not to cry-laugh, since I’m at work and all. *repressestearswithROFL*

  16. ferishia:

    July 14th, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I am trying really hard not to cry-laugh, since I’m at work and all. *repressestearswithROFL*

  17. tori:

    July 14th, 2011 at 8:52 am

    LMAO I waxed one time at home and it took 2 years to get the wax off the ceiling. Never again.
    And I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you.

  18. Insane Hussein:

    July 14th, 2011 at 9:00 am

    I NEVER do at-home waxing. Never ever.

    The only things I have waxed are my eyebrows and upper lip.

    I have sugaring done for my brazilians now. Way better and much more effective. Actually gets all the hair, including the root ball and sheath so it takes from four to up to six weeks to grow back. Also safer.

    Wax can break the hair, especially under the skin, and cause bad ingrowns.

  19. Insane Hussein:

    July 14th, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Also, waxing is worse for your body, especially since it pulls at your skin.

    Sugaring doesn’t pull the skin, just the hair.

    At least now, you’ll never attempt any at-home waxing. Good god. LOL!

  20. Feisty:

    July 14th, 2011 at 11:29 am

    OMG! LMAO~! I almost pee’d myself. The sad thing is most of us CAN relate. While I can laugh now, it was definitely not so funny when I did it to myself and managed to rip skin off and have welts that lasted weeks. I would have been better off with the hair! Nonetheless, lesson learned and will NEVER EVER attempt home waxing again! Nose hair trimmers might have actually worked better! lol! ;) Thanks for sharing and making me smile!

  21. The Book Vixen:

    July 14th, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    OMG I am wincing in pain over here just reading your story! You are so brave KC. I have never waxed that area (nor do I ever plan to). I just don’t have that kind of pain tolerance.

    @Tori – Do I dare ask how wax got on the ceiling?

  22. Melissa (Books and Things):

    July 15th, 2011 at 11:30 am

    ROFLMAO!!!! Oh man! I am never… I repeat NEVER going to do that!

    OMFG! This was too funny! LOVED the last line as well! ROFL!! *wipes tear* You are the best writer!!

  23. Jane:

    July 15th, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! I am not sure if the tears were sympathy or genuine, you are a brave woman!

  24. KC:

    July 16th, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    No more at home waxing!

  25. Sophia (FV):

    July 17th, 2011 at 9:29 am

    “Oh Jesus is that what it looks like”

    omg I spit my coffee. LOLOLOL

  26. bookster09:

    July 21st, 2011 at 9:39 am

    oh my goodness, I laughed so hard there was tears rolling down my face!! thanks for the laughs!!!

  27. Dr J:

    July 22nd, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    I am so sorry to report that I was in hysterics by the time I finished reading the post, mainly because I have gotten so flumoxed by at-home kits of various kinds. The “nose trimmers” comment sent me over the edge. I know it is insensitive to gain so much humor out of your terrible experience, but the search for an easier, less expensive way to torture ourselves in the name of personal hygiene can be fraught with disappointments and, in this case, pain mixed with laughter–your pain, mixed with our laughter. Your a jewel to even share it with us. I think it goes under the category of “The School of Hard Knocks.”

  28. Tischa:

    July 28th, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Ya! MORE Drogo chest in his next movie “Conan the Barbarian” coming out on Aug. 19th! Oh, the half naked warrior look, I suppose i’ll indulge my hubby and take him ;-)

  29. Tracy:

    August 2nd, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Oh dear God that’s hilarious! I’m sure that it wasn’t funny at the time but…OMG! lol

    I remember the time I purchased the Epilady. Oh it was going to be so wonderful and I was going to be completely hairless, etc. It came in the mail and I started using it on my legs – which I had let grow in anticipation of the Epilady’s arrival. Oh my effing God! That was seriously painful! I started downing my then-boyfriend-now-hubby’s Jack Daniels by the glassful and it still hurt like a son of a bitch. After 4 glasses of Jack and only about a 4 inch square of hair removed I put it back in the box and returned it. Shaving is wonderful and completely painless! lol

  30. Dan Diec:

    August 8th, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    It never ceases to amaze me what people will do for beauty. Not me aaaah

  31. Colette A Buckeye Girl Reads:

    September 19th, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Where are you two? I miss your reviews!!

  32. Dannika dark:

    October 2nd, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    My first visit to this site and you had me at the man-o-lantern…LOL!

  33. lgt:

    October 15th, 2011 at 5:27 am

    …if I can be “that guy”, may I suggest sugar waxing? Since I am super [read: SUPER] far from the comforts of a day spa, I started sugar waxing because I just could not stand not feeling sexy anymore. Of course, the first time went swimmingly and times 2, 3, and 4 a little less than stellar, but now that I have been doing it for almost a year, I could never imagine going back to the salon, shelling out all that money, or not enjoying a Sunday afternoon pampering myself.

    Hand-to-heart, if you have waxed before, sugar waxing is easy and much less painful than waxing. Plus, it is cheap and you have every ingredient you need in your cupboard.

    Oh – and I use strips of cloth for the hard to reach places. I learned that trick the hard way.

    Good luck :)

    lgt