By nttcPayday Loans

Smokinhotbooks Survives the First 2 Weeks of Motherhood

in Random Funny 49 Comments
Night 1

The books, your friends, and  random strangers giving their opinions DO NOT prepare you for night 1. You’re both excited and nervous because this is it.  Your training wheels are off and they’ll be no more nurses to offer their advice, or tell you why your son is screaming his ever-living-head off. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.

I’ll never forget the pit-in-your stomach feeling I felt and how I jumped at any little sound he made. You get no sleep! And to top it off, if Mr. KC jumped up one more time with the blue choking thingy whenever the baby made a peep, I was going to bash him in the head with a pillow. Thus, why me, baby, and my mother, petitioned for hubs to stay upstairs while we camped out on the couches downstairs. I was in full mommy-mode and felt it best to tell Mr. KC he just wasn’t ready to be on Daddy nighttime duty. He was benched, and my mom was the new all star MVP.  Grandma’s are a gift from the almighty, I’d have never made it through night 1 without her.

Nursing

Nobody, and I mean nobody, tells you how much your lady bits  hurt while feeding. After countless hours of feeding, bloody nipples and ‘oh my god, please let the pain stop’, I’ve deduced that Moms keep this a closely guarded secret so  you’ll actually want to boob feed your child. I don’t remember readying anything in the breast-feeding literature that your nips will resemble barnicls on a boat that has been docked too long. Oh, and don’t buy that ‘roughing up your girls’ with a wash cloth will properly prepare them for this torture. Nothing but idolized salt and sandpaper, can even remotely compare, and even then, that’s too tame a comparison.

The Shooting Sharts

Everyone knows that when you’re having a boy that you are in danger of the  pee facial you might encounter every once in awhile.  Now, what Mommy’s don’t tell you is when your evil blog parter K-Khan, points out that you missed some number 2 residue mid diaper change, which leads you to closely inspect ‘the area’;  nothing and I mean nothing, prepares you for when your son sharts in your face. I managed to gasp, blink rapidly, and quickly try and change his diaper.  But what did my family do? Laugh their asses off and take a picture. What a bunch of A-holes. K-Khan is still on my shart list for choosing that to be a candid cam moment and post not only a picture but a facebook message as well. I’m so glad my risk of pink eye is amusing for her 134 ‘facebook friends’.

Projectiles

You name it you are going to get it all over you. Black is your new friend. Not only is it slimming to your still there preggers belly (eye-roll), but it tends to hide all the ‘gifts’ your baby will bestow upon you. And yes, I look like a female version of Johnny Cash, especially since I’m also in-between eyebrow waxing appointments.

Laundry

You and Mr. Edison will become BFF’s. I naively thought I could get away with the once a week rule for laundry. Oh, how misguided I was (shamefully shakes head). You will be doing laundry 24/7 – the spit up, the shooting sharts, not to mention your own clothes. All I can say is stock up on detergent and maybe cash in your 401k to pay your electric bill.

Mini confession

I KC of Smokinhotbooks confess after reading Kresley Cole’s Dreams of Dark Warrior changed the spelling of my son’s name on the day of his birth from Aiden to Aidan. I told my husband I just ‘liked it’ better and when hubs isn’t in the room I lean down and whisper to my son, “Aidan the Fierce” after he gives me a good burp.

That being said, I will hunt you down like a rabid dog if any of you disclose this to Mr. KC! You’ve been warned.

So, after surviving my first two weeks of newborn bootcamp I finally started to find my Mommy groove; well-uh, until my pediatrician told me that next week he’ll start to throw fits, get zits and not sleep.  Seriously, my hat off to Mothers who have more than one child – I don’t know how you do it!

 

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49 Comments

  1. Sounds like you’re doing fabulous, hon! *chuckles* I do not have kids, so I do NOT know what I’m eh.. you’re talking about, but my admiration is beyond high. And of course your secret about Aidan the Fierce is safe with us! ;)

  2. What a cutie pie! (There is a reason I started reading romance novels right after I adopted my son Cristian….I needed “an escape” in my life….can you ever imagine why? Hmm……)

    Aidan the Fierce!

  3. OMG KC, I never knew all these things new mothers go through! *bows down to you*

    Forgive me as I laughed myself silly while reading this post.

    You lil smokin Aidan the Fierce is so awww…. almost makes me want one of my own. But then I think of pink eye pee and decide to hold back on the decision.

    Have you had the massive OMGWTF poop from Aidan yet where it comes out from all sides and doesn’t stop?

  4. Well it definitely is a learning period that’s for sure! They grow so fast and before you know it you’ll be experiencing other things that you’ll want to share with us. Being a parent is seriously one of the hardest jobs in the world, but with the bad there is so much good. Like first smiles, and their sweet breath. Don’t they just smell lovely? My daughter is 2 and after giving her a bath I still cradle her like a baby and breathe her in deep.

  5. Oh yes. The “don’t tell new mothers about breastfeeding” rule. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do as a woman/mom. But once it all settles down, it is one of the most rewarding. And the ‘toughening up the girls’ is a myth. Sorry. And eventually you’ll stop noticing the ‘mystery spots’ on your clothes. Really.
    My daughter pooped while I was changing her diaper when she was a few weeks old (I was holding up her legs) and it flew across the room and hit the window! I was speechless!!!
    And I LOVE Aidan the Fierce. I haven’t read the book, but I really like that little pet name. Adorable and well fitted for a little boy.

  6. Aww, congrats Mama. He’s beautiful and love the name. Just think, the fun and hijinks have only just begun! It’s funny because you aren’t prepared, at least I wasn’t. I remember that first night. It gets better. By the time you have baby number two, you’ll be a seasoned vet.

  7. Congrats! Thanks for sharing your new knowledge. I swear I was laughing with you – not at you. Your Aidan is precious.

  8. Marquetta

    Welcome to Mommy-hood! My son gave me a many golden shower when he was a baby. I had no idea baby pee-pees were so sensitive to the air and cold. You soon become a super fast diaper changer where it doesn’t matter if the diaper is on perfectly. Wait until you get the vomit in your hair. It’s lovely. Great conditioner. ;)

    Breastfeeding is the worse. You’d think something that is supposed to be natural wouldn’t hurt so damn much! My nipples still haven’t recovered (12 years later).

    Congratulations! I love the name Aidan.

  9. Congrats! Aidan the fierce is adorable. It does get better, promise. Soon he’ll be smiling away as he projectile vomits green peas all over you and your kitchen walls and ceiling.

    As for #2, well the truth is that we all like the sexxin too much and at some point, usually about the adorable 18 month time, you think “Awww, birth wasn’t so bad. I’d love to do this again!” by the time the terrible twos kick in, it’s too late and you’re knocked up :)

  10. Congrats KC on the birth of your beautiful boy Aidan.
    No one discloses the full motherhood deal its like a conspiracy or something and do not get me started on breastfeeding. A nurse told me I had “great nipples for feeding bub” Really, what do you say, er..thanks. I still had trouble though. My SIL was visiting me when I was unsuccessfully attempting the latch on and may I say you have not lived until you have had you sister-in-law say ” No, that’s not right, I’ll show you” and try and grab your boob.*sigh*
    All jokes aside enjoy your boy, the time passes by so quickly and one day you child will be 15 and you are helping them choose the course of their educational life, hoping you haven’t screwed them up too much, alternating between being wildly excited about this whole new world that is there for the taking and being absolutely terrified about said world and wanting to keep your baby home. Yes my baby girl is 15 and no I am not ready.Can’t you tell!*g*

  11. Absolutely loved your post and it took me back – have two boys now 4 and 6, and said the same thing you did after the first one is born! Not sleeping was the hardest for me. Congratulations – so very happy for you!

  12. Too funny! And yet, I’m jealous! I have 25 days til my due date but the hubs thinks he’s dropped but I can’t be sure. I’m hoping labor and delivery are in my near future! I can’t wait to join you in the newborn stage!

    Sounds like you’re doing awesome. :) Breastfeeding is tough the first few days/weeks but so worth it. I breastfed (pumped) our daughter for 14 months and plan to do it again, this time with less pumping (breastfeeding while at home instead of pumping and bottle feeding)(pumping is SO much work!).

    Can’t wait to see more updates! And more pictures! He looks so cute in his car seat. And I approve the of the name spelling change! :)

  13. Someone needs to hunt Kresley down and tell her that her Aidan made your Aidan the Fierce. Awesome!

    Seriously, sweetheart, I think God makes babies cute so you don’t kill them. My sister always tells the story of giving birth (at 23) and the nurse bringing her my darling niece, and her sitting there trying to breastfeed the baby and thinking, “Oh holy shit! What were we thinking? We’re SO not ready for this!” You’re not alone.

    God bless Aidan the Fierce. He’s adorable and I hope he brings you tons and tons of joy….when he’s not peeing/pooping/puking on you. :)

  14. HEHEHE! Aidan the Fierce! I love it!
    Congrats on the first two weeks! Many more lovely, loud, hair pulling, awww-squealing, years ahead, but my sister tells me the first few weeks stay with you forever.

    Make sure to get your hazmat gear on for furtue diaper changes. As their bodies develop and as they are abel to hold down more than just milk, I can only imagine how more deadly the shooting sharts will become!!

    Best Wishes Mama Smokin!!!

  15. ROTFLMAO I love that they laughed, took pictures but didn’t help you ;) xox KC, I’m proud of you!

  16. Ahh…the memories. Alas, I had girls, but I did have to still deal with everything you have mentioned except for the pee in the face.

    Now that you have begun to master sharts, the never ending river of poo will begin. This is when he poops and poops and poops and it comes out of the diaper onto the onesie. Then when you notice it, and get your supplies to clean it, you will realize it has gone down his leg into his socks, up out the neck and is plastered everywhere. You clean up the mess by giving him a bath, dress him and he gives a little grunt and does it all over again. Yes, laundry will double even more the next two weeks sorry to say.

    Colic. Such fun. I recommend plenty of alcohol. For you, not the baby. Tell Mr. KC to rest up, because his turn is during those weeks. LMAO

    I tried breastfeeding, since the happy mothers in the photos looked so happy doing it. The first time my daughter latched on like a sucker fish I swear I must have screamed bloody murder! Too painful– I only like that freaky pain stuff in my erotica books thank you very much!

    I needed this laugh this morning and it reminds me why my husband got the clip-clip done after our third kid. Nope, no more, EVER!

  17. Aidan the fierce is fantastic!!!
    Love it!!

    You are right nothing prepares you but you are doing great. As hard as it is, too get so much from them. They are amazing.

    Take the help and try to get somesleep. Tell you hubby I slept with that blue squeeze thing around my neck and randomly turned by daughter upside down at random gurglings.

  18. Oh I remember the first night of being on our own! It’s scary! I had to check and double check to make sure she was breathing.

    OMG – your face got sharted on! And the family took pictures?!!! LOL Priceless. I’ve never been sharted on but there was a “fountain of poo” incident. And I got the facial pee a couple of times.

    It’ll get easy as time goes by. Then when you have your next baby, you’ll realize how easy you had it with one. LOL

    Congrats again KC!!

  19. He is sooooo adorable. I’m in love.

    LMAO-I died about the “sharting”. Sorry. That’s not the worse thing Aidan the Fierce is going to toss at you. Kidlet spit up in my mouth so I sympathize with you.

  20. @Janna pinky swear?!

    @Penelope thank god for e-readers makes reading so much easier!

    @KB/KT Grant b/c he is breastfed no scary massive doo-doos yet. But the shooting sharts is what gets me. He can literally get me from 2 feet away – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked around with Aidan’s leftovers all over me.

    @Bells the newborn phase is probably the scariest…well until he reaches 16 i’m sure.

    @Julie LAMO!!!!! Since his changing table is near out TV i keep waiting for the day when it lands on hubs flat screen tv.

    @Fallon Baby #2 *puts on scared face* no way! I really thought I’d have two kids and then I actually had a baby. Dear god I don’t know how my mother did it with twins, I bow down to her awesomeness

    @Eva / TXBookjunkie I’m hoping in 5 years I can look back and just laugh – the poop in the eye that might take me ten years.

    @Marquetta I’m down to 30 seconds the A and D lotion slows me down!

    @Lori my husband already has amnesia and is ready for baby #2. I nearly googled chastity belts online.

    @Jo I can’t tell how you many close family members, strangers, and nurses have grabbed my boob. My poor boobies will never be the same.

    @Jennifer Probst If I get 3 consecutive hours of sleep I consider that a good night, meanwhile Mr. KC is in lalala land sleeping the night away. I wish men could breastfeed, truly I do.

    @Jess I’m just now pumping for emergency it’s so tricky to figure out how to work it in when you are still breastfeeding. The idea of going back to work and staying up all night nearly scares the pee out of me! Good luck wishing you a fast and painless delivery!!!

    @Kati *coughs* If K Cole has a cute baby t-shirt that says Aidan the Fierce i’m buying it STAT!

    @HistoricalRomanceJunkie Rita I try not to think of what happens when I introduce him to solids :shudders:

    @Wicked Lil Pixie my entire family are assholes!

    @Amy J I’m just waiting for him to do the exploding poops. I know its just around the corner.

    @Kayanna Kirby LOL, I keep waiting for hubs to find a string a wear the blue thingy around hi neck.

    @The Book Vixen I told my woman parts I’m only having one baby!

    @Tori you’ll be happy to know I did not get pink eye.

    PS I’m hoping he’ll fit into his BDB onesize in two weeks, I’m fattening him up just so he can wear it.

  21. He is sooo cute, and all you new mommy antics have me in stitches here!! The hubs and I are planning on getting knocked up later this year… I don’t know if I should be super excited or really scared. Post more pics soon, your little Aidan the Fierce is darling!

  22. I found myself nodding at everything. I will say diaper changes for girls are WAY worse than boys (I have 1 girl, oldest, and 2 boys). All the crevices for poo to get into.

    I was scared out of my mind too after the first kiddo. Then next two…. not so much. It gets easier with each one and you let a lot of things slide that freaked you out the first time around.

    Congratulations!

  23. Awwww KC – I loved your post! Welcome to Mommyhood! So proud that you can still find the time to POST!! I don’t think Mommie’s keep the Sharting a secret…it’s just how do you DESCRIBE it? My son had Man Sharts at 3 weeks. Yeah you guessed it – I never had to wonder when he needed a change – he announced it for all within hearing distance. (imagine the sound of a whoopee cushion). And I have to admit…..he’s 7 and he still does it — at least it’s in the toilet right? :)

    Nursing? I feel ya! I lasted ummm 8 days. Hubs found me on the floor of the bedroom BAWLING my eyes out — cause it was feeding time. I think I wailed/moaned something like “no more… for the love of god no more”… or something like that. Within 90 minutes a beautiful brand new breast pump was placed in front of me. I was very happy for the next 8 months :)

    Many prayers and best wishes for you and Mr. K.C. You’re going to have a blast.

    Dren

    PS. I was hoping you would post the Shart-Faced photo — yeah… I was. ROFL

  24. You were born for this KC. You are fierce! Sharts cannot penetrate your mommy armor! And by the way, I just sent you a gift and welcomed AidEn to the world! How dare you change it and not tell me. :)

  25. He’s beautiful! I remember those days! I used to call my mom up (she lived an hour away from me, BTW) at all hours going, “Why’s he crying NOW???” Once had to turn around and drive BACK to her house b/c we forgot his blanket. He had about 50, but only 1 he liked… Josh is 13 now. You do adapt and survive! It’s the best adventure EVER!

  26. Sylvia

    Aidan the Fierce! I love it!
    Just don’t tell your little one that he was sorta named after a romance novel hero till he’s in his twenties. Don’t make puberty harder on him then necessary.

    My friend had twin boys about six months ago. They are bottle fed but no boobs are safe for them. The way they are fed puts them in a position where they kick your boobs constantly! (I’m so going to torment them with this when they get older)
    I like to help out, but my maternal feelings stop right at diaper changing time. At one time I thought the one on my lap needed a new diaper because he smelled horrible. Turns out I cannot tell the difference between a dirty nappy and cat food, hahaha! (the cats just had fresh cat food put in their bowls).

    Good luck holding on to your mommy-groove! I’m sure you’ll do great!

  27. @MinnChica just do it if you think about it you’ll want to back out, lol. Every time I saw a screaming chid when I was 6 months pregnant I nearly had a panic attack, lol.

    @Brandy W that’s what I heard, little girls have more to clean.

    @Dren you make me want to break out my pump….just the allure of hubs taking on midnight feeding is tempting.

    PS that shart photo is on my parent’s camera in which I’m sure next week will be posted on Facebook (sigh)

    @FV I know, all my baby stuff says AidEn I changed it on the day of his birth. Damn harmones, I thought the A was more….fierce.

    @Renee my mother just left me yesterday. I was sobbing and telling her ‘don’t leave me!’

  28. What a little cutie!! Little Aidan the Fierce! Love it!

    Wow, I haven’t walked the baby plank yet but between your tales of Shooting Sharts, unhappy nips, and protectiles….I think I’ll wait a little longer still.

    Despite it all, it sounds like you’re still lovin’ your new mommyhood. Keep up the good work!

  29. Dawn R.

    Oh man I remember those days. My two are 11 and 9 and I have one of each. When my son was born, I said I was going to try breastfeeding. It lasted 1 day. *shakes head* I was in utter pain and frankly it just wasn’t for me. My poor girls were not happy either. :)

    Aidan is such a sweetie. Thanks for updating us and please keep us informed.

  30. Oh I love this post so much. I make a great auntie/cousin. I take the kid when he is doing brilliantly and when he acts up, needs changing, cries for no reason… I give him back. See… perfect! :)

    Congrats to little Aidan the Fierce. So cute! Can’t wait for the next adventure!

  31. That is all awesome! You make it sound so fun!

    To this day, one of my nipples is really off center – this is my daughter’s fault. She ruined me!

    I am only on book 4 of IAD… can’t wait to find out more!

    Congrats again! He’s beautiful!

  32. Awww…what a cutie-pie! Love the name and that it’s your little secret :)

    My son didn’t pee on me but he did pee on his own face – he’s almost 18 now and we still tease him about it (his little sisters think it’s hysterical)!

  33. OMG KC you just made me LOL so hard I love you SO MUCH for naming him Aidan and you call him Aidan The Fierce. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
    You are already awesome mommy =)
    He’s adorable. I am sooo happy for you.

  34. Mariska

    Congrats KC !
    i’m sure you will enjoy the mother-hood thing.
    i’m with my second child now, he’s 5 months old. I breastfed my first child for 26 months ! yeap, and i will do the same with my baby Al :)

  35. Congrats on surviving the first 2 weeks, those are the hardest. I HATE baby zits. It was so hard to leave them alone . I admit to rubbing the washcloth on my kid’s faces hard to get rid of them. :/

  36. Adian the Fierce – <3 that :)

    Isn't it crazy how really unprepared you are? Sounds like you are doing great though!!!!! He is adorable :)

  37. Geez..”Aidan” – might help if I could spell

  38. The A is more fierce and I love it. Psssttt…I changed my eldest daughter’s name as we were being wheeled to our room in the hospital after her birth. Took her father days to remember the new name. hehehe.

  39. Haha, loved what a peaceful pic you posted of cute Baby Aidan sleeping so calmly after all the excitement you you mentioned :-D

    Hats off to you and thanks for sharing! :-)

    ps: and I agree Aidan sounds/looks better ;-p

  40. Mrs. K-Khan (The Other Half of Smokinhotbooks)

    Note to self, not only am I to remain silent during all baby A’s diaper changes, but it’s most unwise to blurt out ” Dude, what’s up with that chin acne on him” to KC and Mr. KC while looking at baby A. You will get evil death glares and be on perma-shart changing duty.

  41. Boy, did this all bring back memories. I had four kids in five years and I appreciate your observations–I was saying “ditto, ditto” all the way through your post. The oldest daughter scared the peejabbers out of me . . . nursing was a serious challenge and I didn’t do well until one or two babies later. No disposable diapers in my time . . . just lots of laundry and glass bottles and such. The drooling got me soon after–she started cutting teeth at two months–and some of the really “fragrant” loads in her diapers almost put me out of the mommy business. But like my mother-in-law once commented: They aren’t worth a plug nickel and you wouldn’t take a million for them. The lack of sleep is one of the things I intend to have a serious conversation with the Almighty about some day–the baby makes the greatest demands when the mother has the least strength to meet those demands. One of life’s mysteries. Many congratulations and you will do fine . . . the coming smiles, goos, and that first tooth will bring joy as will so many other aspects of your involvement with him. Being a parent is really great!!

  42. Your mini confession is awesome and just made my day, no my week. Your son will be awesome and fierce.

  43. Jill Sorenson

    *dying*

    So many memories! I lived through the explosive sharts with my first (one episode at 2 am, projectile poo on me, changing table, wall, you name it) and sore nipples with my second. These are the stories no one tells.

    Things to look forward to: when the volume of poo increases to epic proportions, and your sweet little munchkin leaks all over you in a public place.

    But the many adorable moments make up for all poo mishaps…

  44. Sorilla

    K.C. you are a smoking hot mommy now! Yea, I know, it hurts… I made something for you here http://sorillareads.blogspot.com/2011/04/one-bloggers-journey-from-cute-bump-to.html.

    All the best,

    ~ Sorilla

  45. You’re quite the brave soul. I’m not a mommy, but I’ve babysat before. Thankfully, that was two-year-old toddlers. Female. Boys make me cry when trying to keep up. And on the uptick of this story, I know how that my cousin’s gushy talk 10 times a day on Facebook is so not completely accurate. She never ever complains. I wondered how everything was perfect and light. Of course she had a daughter. AnnaBelle Grace.

    Also, I created my non-existent son’s name as Aidan Liam years ago, then both got popular so I scrapped it. But naming him after a character? At least you know he’ll be strong when he grows up. That’s the most important thing.

  46. Just wait til he smears the poo all over the bedroom, including carpet and curtains just for fun…. !

    Congratulations on the safe arrival of Aidan the Fierce – he’s a cutie!

    (PS for the sore ladybits after feeding – I recommend Lansonil) BTW, it DOES get better – until they get teeth anyway).

  47. How did I miss this post??? I’m not mom, but hats off to you! I think I would’ve freaked over every little thing he did as well. He’s adorable, btw.

  48. I’ve been away a while after the pregnancy from hell, but I am now starting month three of mommyhood and could not identify more with this post.

    I don’t think my poor husband will ever recover from my 3am shrieks when I had duke-bombs up to my right elbow. Poor guy.

    I LOVE the name, and baby boys are FIERCE! No doubt!

  49. I missed this post! What a hysterical account of your first few weeks, and I only laugh because of your fantastic storytelling skills. ;) Shooting stars…0_O

    You’re a trooper! Keep up the great mommy work.