…from the late night phone conversation of KC and K-Khan early marriage woes
While I’m sure there are a lot of couples out there whose beginning stages of their marriage reflected a Nora Ephron movie. Then there are some of us who lived alone for 28 years, and are maybe having a difficult time adjusting with why their hubs can’t seem to pick up after himself. When one joins the ranks of the ‘death to singlehood’ regime otherwise known as marriage, they can be somewhat ill prepared for what I like to term as the ‘early –marriage-hazing phase’. No one really shares with you the jaw clenching, teeth gritting that can be the process of learning to live together. For one thing, they don’t tell you the move-in process involves more negotiation and unholy compromises than a corporate litigator for Phillip Morris (my purple love seat is awesome! And the xbox goes in the bedroom!). They also don’t share that tears and a martyr complex might have worked when you were dating but now that you are stuck in an 800 square foot apartment, the consequence of leaving off in a huff just doesn’t hold the same weight in a glorified shoebox. Shouting I’m leaving, and only walking 2 feet until you reach the next room kind of ruins your dramatic exit.
My blog partner in crime gave me some wicked-good advice (KC nods wisely). “Your kindle will be your marriage pacifier”. Ancient wisdom passed down from one wife to another, and wiser words were never spoken. It’s in these adverse times that unlimited access to a pornucorpia, er, I mean cornucopia of smut really comes in handy. Like for instance:
Mr. Hubs using harsh tones while accusing you of nagging. Don’t try and Dr. Laura your marriage after an intense marathon of moving. Simply grab your e-reader and choose a book from your e-library.
Mr. Hubs playing X-box relentlessly in your family room, grumpy because Mr. Cable/Internet Man isn’t coming for an entire week. No problem, you’ve got wireless 3G on your kindle. Win, win.
And finally, learn not to play your ‘I’m a victim card’, sobbing into your pillow because of stress; this just perpetuates the stereotypes menfolk have about us womenfolk that much stronger. Remember, you hold the keys to paradise and if he wants any sexy time, he’ll have to learn in this household we hang up our used towels and put the toilet seat down.
What is your marriage pacifier?
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- Smokinhotbooks Lies Her A** OFF
- Smokinhotbooks’ Says ‘Don’t Violate The Bubble’
- Smokinhotbooks Goes Job Hunting (K-Khan)
Hear, hear!!
*applauds and bows in awe for KC’s wise words of advice*
@Janna ::takes bow and curtseys
the moving-in *shivers in horror* I may be together with hubby for 12….errr…13……oh crap, it’s already 14 years – I feel so ancient now – but those moving-in days I still remember very clearly!! Whenever the mood went due south we each took our corner…he got his frustration out with watching a Metallica concert dvd and I took some solitude elsewhere with a book. When we were both in white flag mode we talked about it and could make equal comprises again
Till this day music and books remain the biggest pacifier in our marriage
@leontine why doesn’t anyone warn us that moving in w/ significant other is muy hard! Hubs threw shit fit when I moved tools to garage …he put them in towel closet. Big sigh
@KC – Have you ever tried to handle any objects regarding his hobbies? I think I got a cross sign of warding me off to touch anything related to QUEEN…the rockband. I was barely 20 when I moved in with my hubby. I mean, I was a greenhorn but did my mother spread her wisdom of moving in and what that would take out of me? Nah-ah, she wisely shut up and let me sink or swim. I can proudly say I don’t need a lifevest…much anymore
That damn Xbox…why must they have the volume blasting from it? Do we need to hear the same music played over, and over, and over. Or each time hubs skins a coyote, do I need to hear it?? DO I????
Yes, the Kindle – pets. Has saved many a night…
PRICELESS ADVICE!! My Kindle has certainly saved me many a time — and I’ve only had it for a – 2 months? ROFL Wow.. reading that – it sounds sad. But after almost 8 years of marriage I still can’t get used to “ours” vs “MINE”. I don’t want MY MP3 music files stored with YOURS!! I don’t want my picture files stored with YOUR’S and I most CERTAINLY do not want MY TOOL BOX integrated into YOUR TOOL BOX. the downside of marrying a techie-nerd-gaming-master. My saving grace…… He can’t touch my e-books. They will be forever MINE!!!!!! on MY KINDLE…. in MY FOLDERS!!! Linked to MY AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!! :::: shoves fist in the air in triumph::::::. I take whatever win I can get!
Great post!
Wow. I need to go call hubs and tell him he rocks the vote on best husband. When we moved in together he had exactly…nada. Nothing.(Except his mother, and that’s a whole ‘nother story.) I had antiques and two cats. I had too much stuff to fit in our tiny apartment and he let me put it all wherever I wanted. We couldn’t afford cable. We didn’t have an xbox or any of that stuff. And Kindles were a twinkle in some preschooler’s eye. (Okay, now I feel ancient.) My advice: act out some of the bounty from your pornucopia and he’ll forget what an xbox is.
OH wow… great advice said… Let me think… my marriage pacifier… Would be – I just don’t talk to him… (and then I grab a book!)…
Yeah, there are somethings I believe my mother did not pass down onto me about marriage that I think to very vital to my health and sanity…. But you live and learn… And by learn, I mean… I have learned to hide bodies very well, **evil laughter**….
OH crap… Forgot to leave my hugs and wishes for a wonderful weekend!!!!!!
LOVE THIS!!! You girls are so brilliantly funny
Poor K Khan. There really needs to be a manual- “How to Live With Hubs Without Killing Them”.
I have been married for 9 yrs. We have been together for longer. Since I only recently got a mini reader…I’m not to proud to say I am the Queen of mini flouncing away.
Oh yea, I can flounce with the best of them. Hell, I can flounce without even moving.
But flouncing can only get you so far….so I learned the art of negotiating. Why? Because this is MY house. He may live her but it really is all about me. And we both learned (well he did) that life is only great when I’m happy.
So fishing poles and tools go to shed. Why? Because he doesn’t want to sleep with them on the couch.
Wii & PS2 gets played with headphones on. Why? Because he doesn’t want to sleep with them on the couch.
I’ve also learned that sometimes Hubs is like a little kid and I just need to let him ramble and jabber for awhile. Then he goes back into his playfort and life is good for a while.
LMAO!!! This is great info to file away for the single girl here!!! I commend all you ladies and what you put up with!
Great post! The books do help when I feel like killing. But, someone needs to do a post on hubs and kids. The Kindle is not quite enough when it comes to the both of them. Massive amounts of chocolate help. I’m sure drugs do as well. I’m too chicken to find out.
Or you can use your e-reader to bop your husband over the head to get him to behave.
@Mandi I think Grand Theft Auto should be banned from married households. Mrs. Easy Peasey has saved my Friday night more than once.
@Dren *raise hand and shouts* Fist of Triumph!!!!
@Samantha Kane “My advice: act out some of the bounty from your pornucopia and he’ll forget what an xbox is.” –> I want this on a t-shirt.
@Cecile LOL!!!!!
@Spaz P ::preens::
@tori aka ggs_closet Mr. Smokin’ has not learned that my happiness is vital in the household ie dirty socks go in the washer and tools go in the GD garage not hallway closet! Is it too much to ask that I get my way all the time….?
Since we are both stubborn I’ve learned to back off and that I, KC do not always get my way *grumbles*
@Bells Oh lordy, kids and hubs, sometimes you need more than your Kindle.
@Katiebabs Gasp, I would never hurt my Kindle that way! What if something broke…?
Well some people plot books… I plot graves… Just mess with me… I give him that evil eye every time he thinks he is going to win… No sire… not going to happen in my house… And I have a 16 yr old daughter on top of that… so.. yeah… They know where Mama’s shovel is at….. LOL!!!!!
And no… you could never use your kindle to hit someone with… it night break….
And….. farther more… lmbo…. To handle all… Chocolate, Wine (or other alcoholic bevs) and a good book will drown anyway anything until they realize you are not listening to them anymore… lmbo!!!
But I have kindly passed on the information to my daughter… She wants to stay single!! I like that!
LOL love the post KC. I need to follow some of those rules though I don’t have a Kindle-yes I know I am waaayyyy behind on the time but I do have a Sony E-reader-small one but hey I got e-books on it.
I moved in with DH three years ago-he had the living room half full of boxes (nothing else-just boxes of his stuff) and the rest of the house besides his bedroom, was empty. I had furniture and house items galore and he let me decerate the house, get my 2 kids settled and then I got making the empty house a home.
Now three years later-we have decerations for holidays, a living room though he STILL has those damn boxes in the corner and a home that we enjoy being at. *grins* More power to a determined woman who wasn’t going to listen to echoes. *grins*
Dawn
Mer. Smokin will learn. Mr Gigi learned through HIS trials and HIS errors thata happy wife is a happy home.
This is cute. However, putting the seat down on the toilet is a must. I do not want toilet water on my hiney. Is this where the Kindle could become a weapon?
I’m starting to feel like Bridget during dinner. Thank goodness you aren’t smug marrieds.
Amen, sista’.
@Dawn Sony count! Anything that you can read in another room counts as a marriage pacifier to me.
@T *sigh* how much longer do I have to wait until Mr. Smokin’ gets a clue…? 10yrs? 12…?
@Melissa I concur, toilet seat down is a MUST!
@Zelda Amen1
I’m seriously writing all of this down on word document, under “MUST MARRIAGE ADVICE”!
A couple of years ago i complained to my mother about a particular ex boyfriend. I had some serious issues with all of his “toys”, everywhere in his apartment whenever i visited. My mother kindly introduced me to the magical world of the Container Store. Where i helped him pick a toy storage wheely thing. It was pretty enough not to bother me whenever i saw it all over the apartment. His tools? Nothing works better than a trip to The Home Depot. I showed him how he was going to have his very own walk in closet in the garage for his precious tools. He was so grumpy at first, but got carried away after a worker came over to tell him what was used for what.
Before today i thought of this as nothing but trying to get my way, but perhaps i was leading them through boot camp before i considered marriage….*sigh* No wonder am single. : )
Sigh. Y’all are much better at managing yours than I am at managing mine. I totally lost the toilet seat battle. On the other hand, since he’s incapable of seeing dirt (which he calls uterine dirt because he says you have to have uterus to see it), he went out and hired a housecleaning service to keep me happy. Sometimes you just gotta take what you can get.
For the love of gawd, why must I sit and watch endless hours of DIY network….I could not care less about what stone some rich person is putting in their backyard…so sure I sit next to him and read and say ‘yes, pretty, yes, ok’ while reading a book. Easy paci. Also, my dear other half as huge issue with socks. He throws them everywhere….so what do I do? I put them all in a pile, on the floor in the corner of our room. Which then leads to, ‘Why don’t I have clean socks?’ and I just point to the pile and walk away.
I’m getting a Kindle for Christmas or I’m kicking Santas a** all over Orlando.
It truly is a blessed day! Mr. Internet/Cable man came today and feel I will have more negotiating power with such things as picking up your dirty socks and putting the toilet seat down. Where’s my bad kitty spray bottle when I need it!
Thank god for words of advice – you’ll get there in the end hon..
While you wait though – hang on to that ereader, it is your best friend for sure..
E.H>