After Cesar Milan (makes t’ssst sound) brought to light the psychology behind pack mentality, it had me thinking, I don’t really believe men are the only ones living out their animal instincts. Could it be that us women have a pack hierarchy of our own…? This definitely had me reaching for my thinking cap – it’s a boobie hat hubs used for his bachelor party – for further investigation.
Now I’ve always thought of myself as a one-man wolf pack, but it’s hard not to see the similarities between the animal kingdom and the wilds of the real world. I began to look at my past experiences in dealing with ‘the females’ (as The Black Dagger Brotherhood would say) to see if I could observe any behaviors that might indicate we all have a bit of she-animal inside us. Case in point, often when I am in a new social setting that is a testosterone free zone, I approach this new pack as any outsider would. I carefully scurry on my belly and present my behind for sniffing (aka, smile, make hands that indicate friend not foe). I also might allow this new pack to toss me around a bit and chase me to the edge of the clearing to let me know who’s boss (otherwise known as taking some heckling and/or teasing about my appearance, taste in clothes or men etc).
In order to move any further into the pack, I must make sure I am accepted. I don’t want to be wrestled to the ground and made to be the alpha’s b*tch, so I must proceed with the utmost caution. There are many different ways in which ‘the female’ may show she has accepted a new member into her pack. A more dominant female will have to prostrate herself in submission so as to not disrupt the alpha hierarchical order. She may lay on her back with her legs :sticks legs straight in the air, whilst wearing her new peep toe mary janes for demonstration:: up in the air while the others’ circle around her – a sign of submission. The alpha female will give a sign that she has accepted this newcomer. This is often confusing to detect. Here are some areas to avoid.
Confusing behaviors that can mislead you…
- Your new acquaintance offers you a smile and says that they will see you later. This is not an indication for you to break out your leopard print day planner and start making reservations for sushi. Been there, done that.
- Two people are having an intimate conversation about a rather touchy subject.. This is a test. This is not a green light to give your own advice about the reasons why Jennifer’s husband Mark cheated on her. You are simply to back away swiftly and make like you did not overhear the conversation.
- It is also important to remember that when first meeting the pack there are certain topics of conversation that might be inappropriate. The guessing game about who’s boobs in the room are real or fake (no touching, trust me I’ve learned the hard way) , your Brazilian wax experience, and how much you know about the mechanics of gay sex. (Points to t-shirt “Everything I learned about Gay Sex I learned from Kris N Good Books ”). Also it might not be wise to bring up your hobby of visiting the banana blog or rain on roof- this also extends to any multimedia demonstrations. DO NOT PLAY VIDEOS FOR THEM.
::takes off boobie hat::
Finally, with all these exhausting mixed messages, you need not fear should you not be accepted. Remember, you can always call upon your own wolf pack. And trust me, my wolf pack can take on your wolf pack any day o’ the week. (and yes, I’m now speaking with a Scottish accent).
So Are You A Pack Animal? Or a lone Wolf? Share your stories we promise not to email your girlfriends.
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Does this mean that I’m a leader of a pack or do I have more of the omega (not in a scary BDB way), stick-with-me-kid-and-I’ll-teach-you-everything-you-need-to-know-to-survive-in-this-new-scary-world-that-you-have-entered role?
@ Kris you are an alpha all the way…we shudder in your greatness. Kc and I could not live without your ‘cookies’.
@Kris your a total Alpha (you can’t see it but I”m submitting to you right now)
@K-Khan word.
I figured I had to be an Alpha, but, you know, we can modest too when the occasion requires it.
Okay, that was a total lie.
You can both get up now, btw. I totally accept the fact that you’re beneath me.
@Kris oh good, ’cause my knees we’re killing me.
You…modest ::snicker:: uh, okay *wink wink*.
Hmmmm…that’s some good advice. Wish you had wrote this BEFORE I humiliated myself.
I have been told by people before that I really scare them. Not sure why.
So the butt sniffing is just metaphorical?
I’m not Alpha, I know this. I’m more of the Enforcer. I take care of all nasty evil stuff and make it all go away.
Female pack dynamics are confusing..I think I’m more of a lone wolf.. I recently had to negotiate “hubby co-workers wives pack” and it was very scary.. I basically kept my head down and nodded.. unfortunately conversation didn’t turn to favorite shirtless actors or alpha male book characters.. cause I would be all over that..
@Tori-ggs*_closet Either metaphorical or the next big viral video if someone has a cameraphone.
Oh, the whole butt sniffing totally cracked me up. I am a lone wolf. I run with the boys, though. I run with two guys and we kinda all run together but alone. Does that even make sense? I have no female friends what so ever. How effing weird does that make me? Unless you count my best bud online Maryse, and she rocks. My whole wolf status is making me question everything. Girls are so pack people too. Maybe that’s why I avoid them.
Love this… although now it has me trying to psychoanalyze myself as to why I’m such a dom/alpha and intimidate other females I encounter… not so good for collecting a pack, eh? (Good, however, for working with the boys!) I’ll have to work on my “plays nice with other females” skills.
@Tori dude(ette) you totally scare me. And yes, I too have learned the ‘hard way’, butt sniffing is apparently a no no in most social circles. We all live and learn.
@Heather nothing scarier than ‘hubby co-workers wives pack’ – good move with the nodding.
@The Mighty Buzzard so we are in agreement that @Tori will upload a vid to youtube.
@Lily sometimes we aren’t meant to be friends with other chicks. I do have similar girlfriends that prefer male buddies as opposed to females. Less hurt feelings and can you believe ‘she said that’ type of scenario.
@Zelda I would probably roll over and submit to you
– I’m more of a “looks like she’s submissive but watch out she has an inner alpha” does that make me a…beta?
Your post is a great read – and I see that behavior among doggies, but no, I don’t see women as pack animals, or at least I see men as more overtly pack animals. Women are more like subtle competitors who may or may not get along, but are willing to combine forces to get through the rough stuff – I’ve thought about this a lot. Let’s go way back in time, you know, the Way-Back Machine – women had to cooperate or they and their offspring wouldn’t survive. There are a few reasons – Men, who were the first line of protection for the women and children, were always getting killed by other men or wild beasts or hunting accidents. Besides, female infants have a higher survival rate – It’s true now and it was true in the past.
I’m just not sure we all liked/like each other. I mean, when men are in short supply, who are you going to trounce to get one for yourself? The other females in your pack! IMO female lions get along better than female humans.
I am going to record your excellent advice, LOL! – no discussing the Brazilian with complete strangers. Never offer advice on a touchy subject. I think I’ll add – Speak only when spoken to.
@Julia Rachel Barrett ::quickly adds to post it note ‘speak only when spoken to’:: – Interesting that female infants have a higher survival rate, I could spend hours Google(ing) on this subject alone
*Looks at K.C. and submits soft underbelly and neck*
*whimper*
Am I accepted? Even if I don’t have a wax job story to submit… no wait… that was a no, no. Crap. Oh, and I’ve submitted to no other.
@Melissa ::sniffs around Books and Things hind legs:: Your in.
@ Melissa I like the behind- sniff approach myself. :demonstrates by getting on all fours:
@ Julia Rachel Barrett I may know a certain someone :looks at KC: that has been known to knock a girl down in an effort to get a man’s attention. I would never do that. *lighting strikes*
@K-Khan it was only that 1 time!
Ooooo good topic KC. The female relationship dynamics can be an incredibly daunting and scary world to navigate. I swear, men have it soooooo much easier.
I consider myself a lone-wolf pack in that I don’t have many girlfriends at all. My one good friend (not best) is a girl I’ve known since grade school. I say good because our relationship is light and she lives a good hour and a half away plus there’s the added development that she and her husband are expecting their first child. My husband and I have yet to walk that plank and I can already feel the gap widening between me and my friend. Sigh…oh well, one day I’ll be joining her in mommyland but not right now.
For me, one thing I’ve learned about myself and girlworld is that I’ll just never belong. I’m too shy and too much of a mystery to others. *shrugs*
Oh I do have one word of advice though; never make a comment to your friend with regards to her soon be husband like “I think you’re making a big mistake marring this guy”. Yup, I lost a long time friend doing that. Apparently that was not what she wanted to hear. *shhhh but they’re having a LOT of problems now so I hear*
HUGS, VFG
I’m pretty sure I’m a rogue. Most of my friends are guys and when I encounter a “pack” of women, they usually try that highschool BS of looking at me, whispering and pointing. When it fails to affect me, besides maybe causing amusement, they slink away with their tails between their legs.
Lone females either avoid me or want to be my best friend.
My “pack” of men have no idea what to make of this phenomenon, but it seems to put me more on “their” side.
I dunno, women are crazy.
Great subject! I’ve never thought about it, I just go with the flow. I’m not a lone Wolf kind of woman, I think. My friends are not all male or all female, it’s a nice mix of both and among them are a few gay friends as well. But does that make me a Pack Animal? I do meet with friends in groups as well as one on one. Really, I don’t have a preference for either. And besides that, I also enjoy to be alone, for example I love to travel alone. But then again, I made quite some journeys with one of my friends as well.
What does that make me? Maybe I’m just a cat and not a wolf at all
@VFG mysterious=sexy btw
Oh lordy, yes there is def. a fine line when approaching the don’t marry him situation. In college one of my close gf’s was diddling my roomie (guy btw), he was such a player. That was a tough situation.
I was at one time close with a co-worker, she didn’t have very many female and friends and when she often muttered: You are going to be the world’s worst mother, and then proceeded to inform my husband I didn’t want to be married to him – yeah, I feel you on the girlworld situation.
@Annarkie girls are so crazy ::points to chest::
@Janna you are a lone wolf and a pack animal therefore dubbed lopack (making crap up as I go along).
I’m a very codependent person when it comes to traveling, I need a buddy, preferably female so I can hit the gift shops.
A lopack? That sounds weird
You can hit the gift shops too when you’re alone *g*. And what about book shops. I like to visit them in every place on the planet but my friends never want to stay there as long as I want to
Quiet alpha that plays well with others. I also enjoy quiet walks on the beach and the occasional sharing of cotton candy. Rawwr!
@Mar LOL love it –>’quiet Alpha that plays well with other’. I really think this needs to be your new twitter bio
@Janna I don’t even take K-Khan with me to bookstores, she always tells me to put at least one book back (I usually have 5 in my hands).
@ Mar Can I adopt you into my wolfpack, we can run along the beach together.
. I play a mean game of chase.
That’s just mean
KC- I’m seriously thinking about changing it. It sounds so much more mysterious and charming.
K-Khan- I will be happy to join your pack, just don’t expect me to listen to all that t’ssssst business.
Happy weekend, girls!
“@The Mighty Buzzard so we are in agreement that @Tori will upload a vid to youtube.”
Money talks ya know.
@ The Mighty Buzzard @ Tori. :pulls change out of pocket: that should sweeten the pot.