Today I turn the chair over *swivels chair* to K-Khan (other half of Smokinhotbooks) where we b*tch discuss, calmly ,the cluster f that is called Wedded Bliss. What you think we were going to post about authors behaving badly on Amazon…
K-Khan-I think I need a T-shirt that states, I survived planning a wedding and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Or at least a fricken merit badge. ! As most of you might know by now I’ve been planning my wedding to Mr. T for some time. We are down to t-minus two months and counting and KC has already had to pry weapons of mass destruction from my hands.
KC-If I had to do it all over again I’d do it Mick Jagger style and just cohabitate and become a common-law wife.
Remember that time I was sobbing on the phone with Mom during my lunch hour about my then groom-zilla…
Groom-zilla “I don’t want to work with THAT flower lady. She’s shifty eyed! I don’t trust her.”
Me : :blinks:: Uh, you are behaving like a bridezilla!
Groom-zilla “This is my wedding too!”
K-Khan- Whoever said that this would be the happiest day of your life, can rot in dirty, fire-spiting hell, because this just plain sucks big hairy ones. Now, it’s not as though I am not eternally grateful at the generosity of my family in trying to make this day the best. Scout’s honor, I’m touched. That aside, here are the reasons why I might need the representation of my friend who is currently in law-school.
K-Khan-MIL (that’s mother-in-law) has been given a copy of her invitation list of people SHE would like to have at our wedding. We are literally hours from the deadline in which the invitation people need our list and suddenly, I notice 20-50 invitations are being sent to her address. Seems that it’s too much of a hassle to get those pesky addresses, so why not pay for postage for a good chunk of people and she can hand deliver them! Oh, and let’s not leave out that a good portion of the names are spelled incorrectly, Mrs. who should be Mr. are reversed and so on.
KC-Just wait until you have to do the seating chart ::shudders:: I will bring Jack Daniels and chocolate when we do yours.
K-Khan- in the real world, this would make me laugh and say, ‘Silly little rabbit, trix are for kids’. Instead, my bride-to-be side comes out. Red horns spout from my forehead, my voice lowers to a demonic grunt and I crack my neck like the butchest badass you know. Poor Mr. T, he’ll probably never be the same.
KC- I probably shouldn’t mention that one friend who project hi-jacked your bachelorette destination…
K-Khan- That’s right! That little minx. She professed how utterly dreary it would be to do ANOTHER bachelorette party in Las Vegas since that’s where we did KC’s. I got a little misty eyed that somehow I’ve become a terrible bride-host that would force Vegas of all places, for my friends to come out and celebrate. Her suggestion, have it on the East Coast, conveniently in her city. We could just sleep on her hard-wood floors. Oh and she offered up my other friend’s place without having that friend know. After we moved the b-party to a non-vegas location, she professes that she can’t possibly make it. KC was spittin’ mad at that one.
KC: THERE ARE NO STRIP CLUBS IN UTAH. I think. We missed out on that. I had big plans for you in Vegas…big plans. (takes deep yoga breaths)
K-Khan- Again, in a world where I am not a crazed person in satin and tulle I would have laughed it off as another silly conversation and shrugged my shoulders. Somehow the bridezilla b*tch comes out and she looks a lot like this (looks at above photo):
Whether it be horrible in-laws, or boyfriend in laws, horrible wedding day snafoos, or just plain weird relationship problems, We want to hear them.
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Oh be careful for what you wish for…… lmbo!
I am sooo sorry that you have to go through this. You are right, this is suppose to be the happiest time of your life. I am not sure why they say that… but **shrugs shoulders** that is what they say. My first wedding was… let’s just say I learned what not to do… My second wedding, now I had fun with that one. I made sure everyone was on MY level.
Girl, take those red horns you have and demand what you want. This is not their wedding, this is not their day to shine, hell they should be lucky you have even invited them to the d*mn thing to begin with!!!
Just wait for the seating chart time..*cackles evilly* I think I was able to mostly keep my cool for the wedding planning but when the seating chart got hijacked by the MIL and not returned to a week beforehand (and I was so not happy with it) my cool exterior cracked and the scaly bridezilla monster came out.. though now I can sit back and laugh about that.. or at least I try to
@Cecile If I had to do mine over I would just have a party with drinks & horsdoeuvres. I will have to hold K-Khan’s hand when we do her seating chart O_o
@Heather Seating charts are the pits. There are waaaaaay to many chiefs making decisions. I cannot believe your MIL hijacked your seating chart! I will have to bring lots and lots of liquor when we do K-Khan’s seating chart. Lots of liquor.
Oh lord! Don’t remind me. DH, bless his heart, had opinions about the BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES! WTF?! No taffeta. He actually banned taffeta and 2 piece dresses from our wedding. Huh? Ha! Ha! That’s a 2-way street. I had major opinions on groomsmen’s tuxes…no tails. Sorry. Only the groom. No can do.
And I won’t even talk about MIL and FIL fights I had…directly. I went right to the source no go-betweens etc. ‘Cause that’s how I roll.
The best advice I can give you…just plan the best damn party you ever wanted to go to…show up and have fun. Cause really, crap is gonna go wrong. So, if you just promise yourself you will have fun…don’t obsess over all the niceties, you will enjoy your own party as much as your guests. Don’t let anyone make you do something you don’t want to do!
@Danielle “that’s how I roll” you makea me laugh. Seems like you also had a groomzilla a little bit. I once in the heat of the moment referred to hubs as as bridezilla bitch. He threw so many tantrums it wasn’t even funny.
Oh man! Wedding planning is not for the faint of heart. I avoided the madness by letting my hubs plan ours. Yes, you read that right. He took care of almost everything. All I had to do was buy the dress, and show up.
We’re also dealing with some multi-culturalism issues, as Mr T is American but his family is South Asian so he couldn’t fathom why I would be upset that his mom kept offering her cache of rings as potential wedding bands. Like we needed to borrow them. (Very nice of her but it set off a rage in me that makes Naomi Cample look like a kitten) I shouted I’m NOT MARRYING YOUR MOTHER!! His response: “I don’t watch the wedding channel or read magazines, so I don’t know about this stuff’.” Me, :sniff: Well, you should know! (Apparently wedding bands are not really used…that somehow still didn’t appease me). See…I’ve turned into a crazy person and there’s no going back.
K-Khan, girl, did you just shapeshift in to THAT, 1st pic?? That is scary!!
But after all that I would sprout demon horns too (((hugs)))
I’m just happy now that I kept my wedding small, only had my parents budding in and the only horror story I have is that the professional photographer f*cked up the ONE official wedding picture we had made.
Is there a happy place we can create for you to retreat in??
LOLOL..oh I remember those days
We had massive issues with my MIL..she wanted no children..but I ended up inviting my young cousins..so then MIL relatives got upset because their kids were not invited.
Luckily though, my hubs didn’t care about the details of the wedding..he took care of honeymoon..so it all worked out
The honeymoon saved me…I just kept thinking, very soon I will be far away on a beach.
@ Leaontine: I think my happy place involves beverages of the alcoholic persuasion and massages given to me by the cast of Thunder from Down Under. (they shall be clothed in loincloths and a smile).
@ Mandi…Don’t even get me going on the honeymoon. Mr. T pulled through for us, but still it was looking as if we might be taking a tent to the backyard for a while. Great, now I sound like one of ‘those girls’….::put’s hand to forehead:: life is so hard when your parents are throwing you a formal wedding… Oh the agony!! Lol, now I just sound spoiled. But in truth the worst arguments I’ve been having have been to not spend money. I’m more of a bargain girl and my mom isn’t. I lost the argument to send out e-vites instead of printed invitations. I say, what’s wrong with being a little eco-friendly.
Awww, I’m sorry it’s not going smoothly. I had fun planning ours but I made most of the decisions and nobody said boo about them. I even liked doing the tables! It probably helped that there were only 2 tables worth of in-laws & the rest were our friends and my family, LOL.
Maybe you’ll get lucky like I did and have two of your inlaws surprise you with a bagpipe serenade at the reception. 9_9
@ Nicola. That is hysterical, I just spit out my coffee to avoid spraying my desk from laughing. Wonder if I can put that on the gift registry??
@Fiction Vixen You made hubs plan everything. Genius, pure genius.
@Leontine small is the way to go. I would sprout horns & maybe turn green with anger if my photographer (not cheap mind you) f*cked up my photos.
@Mandi ohmygod can’t believe your MIL did that. Why didn’t’ she want kids…wasn’t this “your wedding” not hers. I getting all worked up about this. I need to stop ::takes yoga breaths::
@K-Khan you want bag pipes you will haz bag pipes at your wedding.
KC, I didn’t really “make” him. I was kind of like a deer caught in the headlights so he took over. He’s like that, always wanting to make it all better for me. I heart him.
@Fiction Vixen my heart just melted after you last comment. I want a Mr. Vixen! Hubs answer to my “concerns” can’t you just deal with it? No. I do not want to. I want to be taken care of but at the same time be treated like an independent person.
KC–It’s definitely a skill knowing when to step in and when to stand back. I think Mr. Vixen waits for my bottom lip to quiver then steps up. HA!!
@Fiction Vixen I need to practice bottom lip quiver in front a mirror.
Weddings aren’t fun to plan for anyone. Both of my younger sisters got married within a year of each other. One in law was too involved in the wedding process, and the other not enough. The worst was when my middle sister broke down over wedding dresses not fitting her. Why are they all size 2? My youngest sister had a maid of honor debacle-both of her best friends assumed they’d be it. She ended up having both of them doing it… ((hugs))
@Colette I had a wedding dress malfunction after my bachlorette party (binge weekend really) I couldn’t fit into my wedding dress. I freaked out. I cried. I thought I would have to walk down the aisle in a white slip. After eating nothing but tuna & crackers, come wedding day it zipped right up. I still break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.
Yikes! No real horror stories for me. I’m pretty laid back so I let my mom and aunt take of everything – let them do whatever they wanted down to the flowers. I just had to get the wedding dress, invitations and together, the hubs and I, planned the honeymoon.
I hope everything is smooth sailing from here on out for K-Khan.
Now, after you come back from the honeymoon and you want share honeymoon horror stories… I have one… until then mums the word.
@Donna oh god I remember my honeymoon, the airline lost our luggage we had to buy everything in the gift store. Let me tell you limited supply in the West Indies.
@ Donna: I’m already shuddering about what could possibly go wrong with the honeymoon. Luckily we are going on a cruise, but most likely given our luck, we’ll get mugged at one of the ports, loose our passports and be stranded in Mexico. Mr. T will have to be my pimp and sell my body in order for us to make enough money to illegally cross the border back to the states. I already have it all worked out, my stage name will be Simone.
@K-Khan I thought your stripper name is Sage? You can’t keep changing your pimp name, I have to redo all the marketing ::sigh::
Love your new look lol….
I was supposed to get married….. but never did, because everyone keep telling me that I should do this and that, and if we invited certain people that we had to invite others as well, so soon it all became to much and I had enough, it was suppose to be fun and a happy period in our lives!!! If anything I learned from this is that it is YOUR day and the way you plan that day is entirely up to you and your partner not your family.
So now I am happily living in sin with my partner who is my hubby in every way except on paper!
I hate weddings, we would have eloped if we didn’t think our families would kill us. I let my mother plan everything, she was so happy. I just told her the date and the colors, she did everything. We just planned the honeymoon, it worked out perfect.
The only bad thing that happened at our wedding was the woman who was going to play the music decided she was done and wanted to watch me instead of play music. So my Dad and I awkwardly walked down the aisle to no music.
@Tiah oh my god how awkward, I think I would have hummed down the aisle. At my wedding you couldn’t even hear the harp (we paid for) there was a pool nearby & Lil John “Yey” walked me down the aisle instead.
What about plan C…
Run off do the deed and then come back not all so stressed…. and have a ball at YOUR day…
E.H>