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Smokinhotbooks Attempts At-Home Waxing

in Random Funny 33 Comments

We’re alive!  As some may have noticed Smokinhotbooks has been MIA for a bit, KC’s been operating on two hours of sleep and K-Khan has no real excuse other than she sold her soul to the world of public accounting. Now that K-Khan’s got into nursing school she has a bit more time on her hands.

 

Smokinhotbooks Attempts At-Home Waxing

Ever since my esthetician (aka lady parts waxer) showed up to our appointment in two full-length wrist guards and told me about her battle with carpel tunnel, I’ve felt it best that we part ways.  How could I continue to contribute to her condition with my blood money? It’s also time to cut down on ‘needless expenses’ (expression courtesy of Mr. K)  since I will be going back to school full time. So while on a shopping trip to the drug store I couldn’t help but notice that they had at home waxing kits. A perfect solution for my current situation. So in the cart it went, along the Cadbury chocolate and other important necessities.

 

I am now realizing that with all this extra time on my hands the boredom has made me almost manic in my quest for vain self-improvements. God forbid I spend in hour in the gym versus watching You-Tube videos on how to update your ‘dated’ eye make-up look. Yes, a smokey eye will somehow enact enough camouflage so that the spare tire you seem to have grown over the stress eating you’ve been doing lately will somehow disappear.

Moving on, I meticulously set up my instruments of torture. Microwave wax melted to just about scalding check, little spatulas, check, little hand held mirror that was included with the kit, check, emergency oil to remove wax, check, and strips? Wait, no strips? How is one to do the pat and yank technique without those white strips? After re-reading the instructions again, I realized I might have made a clerical error in my purchase. See, this was a hard wax, not to be confused with the soft wax I’m used to. Apparently, I’m to apply this wax and leave enough to gather at the ends to just yank it off myself. Well, that has to be easy…right? On goes the first application. Half of it appears to get on my leg and the other half plops to the floor. Great, well, that’s to be expected with us beginners. So I let the wax start to cool. Since I can’t really remember what the instructions say on when exactly to start the yanking, I just go with my gut and start pulling. OH MY F-ING GOD! You, Sally Hansen are an F-ing lier! My first yank only pulls up about a quarter of an inch of wax. The panic starts to set in. The next yank and again, only about a quarter of an inch of wax pulls off. Now I’m furiously tearing, echoes of ‘don’t leave the wax on too long’ are resounding in my head as I viscously yank on the now candle hard wax. Pain level is now at a 10, bleeding has started to occur and I’m still panicking because I have at least four more inches of wax to yank off. After almost 20 minutes of pulling off little tiny pieces of wax look at what I have done to myself.

Where did I go wrong? Was my timing off? Maybe my yanking angle was too severe? Those arrows on the drawing said one way, but maybe my interpretation is off? I blot at the sweat that is running down my nude body. (But of course you have to be nude  because how else are you going to ensure to not get any wax on your clothes)? I realize that this was not exactly a great idea, not only is the pain unbearable but the bending at odd angles and pulling on my skin is not exactly helping my self-image here and is damn distracting to my hairless cause.  ’Oh god is this really what I look like’? (Tries sucking in tummy). And that the little “No Mistakes Mirror” (provided by Ms. Sally Hansen herself) is a tool to make you hate yourself. “Oh Jesus is that what it looks like”? Now, I can never pay someone to do this to me again, it’s just all too graphic. Thanks’ No Mistakes Mirror, I now have another complex.

After convincing myself that I should at least try just one more area since I’ve read the directions for the fourth time and should definitely be more successful in my efforts. On goes the now almost solidified wax, no time to run to the microwave again, Mr. K could be getting up at any moment. Oh god, the pain is now twice as worse. The pieces even smaller and I was overly generous with my application and now I can’t get it off. There’s no way Mr. K could possible be sleeping through my grunts and expletives. Rip. ‘Aw Jesus’! Rip, Rip, Rip. ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh’! The door to the bathroom rattles, “What the hell are you doing in there”!? I have my leg bent at a most unseemly angel on the counter, my ‘No Mistakes Mirror’ has been placed on the covered toilet seat and wax particles are littered all over the floor.

Now the banging has started, “Let me in”! My response, “Can’t you tell that this one is OCCUPIED”! “Go the McDonalds if you have to go”. More rips and grunts ensue.

Mr. K “What the hell are you doing!”

I am beaten. I have no more fight in me. Wax I refuse to rip off is littered all over my body, the bathroom floor is a mess, and to complete my humiliation I now have two bald spots and the ‘healing oil’ I’m furiously rubbing everywhere is not taking off the excess wax. I yank open the door and walk out in a huff. Nevermind that my face looks like I’ve run a half marathon, or that I’m limping, I still have my dignity. I grab the contents of my at home waxing kit and viciously shove it all in the trash. $15.00 down the toilet.  I sniff a little bit and state that I was attempting to wax myself at home. Mr. K’s perplexed response, “Why didn’t you just use my nose hair trimmers?”

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Smokinhotbooks June Recommend Reads – Books Made of Awesome

in 4 Star Review, 5 Star Reviews 9 Comments

Bad KC, hardly has any time to blog or write reviews (spanks wrist).  Time just seems to get away from me now that I’m a working mom that lives on caffeine and cliff bars.  So, therefore I only have time for books made of awesome (I’m stealing this phrase from Gena Showalter).

 

A Courtesan’s Guide to Getting Your Man by Susan Donovan and Celeste Bradley

Kindle

Genre: Historical Romance

I saw this highly recommend over at Katiebabs place when I was blog hopping during my work breaks. Holy Erotic F Word.  Written in the past and present – I could have done without the side story of Piper. Every one needs to read this books to experience Sir and Ophelia. These authors know how to write erotic love scenes that don’t’ mimic the Spice channel.

 

A sensuous heart-warming read about a brave woman who wanted to be free to make her own destiny.

Blurb:

Regency London’s most celebrated courtesan, The Blackbird, was a woman before her time—uninhibited, financially independent, and free to live by her own rules. Schooled in the sensual arts by the one man she loved the most, she recorded every wicked detail in her diaries…

When Boston museum curator Piper Chase-Pierpont unearths The Blackbird’s steamy memoirs, she’s aroused

“Say ‘ f*ck.”

Oh heavens. Now he was being truly obscene. I took a breath, determined.” F—“ I took another breath “Fu—“

He grunted a short laugh. “Before the night is over, you will say ‘F*ck my (KC can’t say this word without blushing) with your c*ck.” You will say it over and over again. In fact you will scream it out loud.”

Other Reviews

Katiebabs A-

 

Nightfall by Ellen Connor

Kindle

I’ve read a lot of mixed reviews on Nightfall, so being the curious reader that I am, I, of course bought it.  AND I really really liked it. I’m such a sucker for end-of-the world, me woman, you man, type of books.  Mason is the kind of dark hero that almost makes me want to have Mr. KC talk mean to me. Almost means never in the KC household. Moving on – I think what stands out the most is the intensity of Jenna and Mason interactions combine that with the creepy dog-like creatures that used to be human and you have yourself a winner in my book. The end gets a little funky but I still think it’s worth a looksie.

 

“By now, all cell signals have gone down.” Even here.”

“Television station will fail next. Only old analog radios will play, and most likely, by this time next week, we’ll be blanketed in complete radio silence as well…because there won’t be people to man the controls. You wouldn’t believe what it’s like out east right now.” –> I just got chills, people.

Blurb:

Growing up with an unstable, often absent father who preached about the end of the world, Jenna never thought in her wildest nightmares that his predictions would come true. Or that he would have a plan in place to save her-one that includes the strong, stoic man who kidnaps and takes her to a remote cabin in the Pacific Northwest.

The mysterious ex-Marine named Mason owes a life-debt to Jenna’s father. Skilled and steadfast, he’s ready for the prophesied Change, but Jenna proves tough to convince. Until the power grid collapses and mutant dogs attack-vicious things that reek of nature gone wrong.

When five strangers appear, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty packs, Jenna defies her protector and rescues them. As technology fails and the old world falls away, Jenna changes too, forever altered by supernatural forces. To fight for their future, she and Mason must learn to trust their instinctive passion-a flame that will see them through the bitter winter, the endless nights, and the violence of a new Dark Age.

Other Reviews

Hanging With Bells 3.5/5

Smexybooks B+

Yummy Men and Kiss Ass Chicks 2.5/5

 

Magic Slays by Ilona Andrews

Kindle

Genre Urban Fantasy

#5 Kate Daniels

Ok, I admit, I didn’t think Andrews could suck me in until I read Bookaddict Patti’s review where she mentioned the ‘tension’ was still there between Curran and Kate. There is a killer quote in here in which Curran tells Kate basically why he loves her (whispers) even more than the pack!

 

He had come for me again.

Curran’s body flowed, snapping into a more humanoid form. He plucked another man from the van, snapped his neck, hurled the broken body aside, and dove into the vehicle. The van rocked. Blood sprayed the windows, someone screamed, and he emerged from the van, bloody, his golden eyes on fire.

I unlocked the door. It swung open and he clenched me to him. I threw my arms around his neck and I kissed him, blood and fur and all.

 

Plagued by a war between magic and technology, Atlanta has never been so deadly. Good thing Kate Daniels is on the job.

Kate Daniels may have quit the Order of Merciful Aid, but she’s still knee-deep in paranormal problems. Or she would be if she could get someone to hire her. Starting her own business has been more challenging than she thought it would be—now that the Order is disparaging her good name, and many potential clients are afraid of getting on the bad side of the Beast Lord, who just happens to be Kate’s mate.

So when Atlanta’s premier Master of the Dead calls to ask for help with a vampire on the loose, Kate leaps at the chance of some paying work. Turns out this is not an isolated incident, and Kate needs to get to the bottom of it—fast, or the city and everyone dear to her might pay the ultimate price . . .

Bookaddict Patti 5/5

 

 

 

 

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RIP Khal Drogo

in Random Funny 16 Comments

*sobs*….*hiccup* …*sobs some more*….

I’d like to dedicate this post to Khal Drogo, you made my Sundays you sexy thang you. Let’s all bow our heads in a moment of silence for his hotness.

 

Remember when…

 

and remember this

and lets not forget the tent scene (sigh)

 

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Hot Book Alert – Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt

in New Releases 10 Comments

Release Date 10/22/11

Kindle Preorder

I’m all over this mofo. I’ve been rereading the first chapter from Hoyt’s previous book, Notorious Pleasures.  I’m getting itchy fingers I have to know what happens with Silence and pirate, Mickey!

Can a pirate learn that the only true treasure lies within a woman’s heart?

 

“Charming” Mickey O’Connor is the most ruthless river pirate in London. Devastatingly handsome and fearsomely intelligent, he clawed his way up through London’s criminal underworld. Mickey has no use for tender emotions like compassion and love, and he sees people as pawns to be manipulated. Yet he’s never been able to forget the naive captain’s wife who came to him a year ago for help—and spent one memorable night in his bed…talking.

 

Widowed Silence Hollingbrook is impoverished, lovely, and kind–and a year ago she made a horrible mistake. She went to a river pirate for help in saving her husband and in the process made a bargain that cost her her marriage. That night wounded her so terribly that she hides in the foundling home she helps run with her brother. Except now that same river pirate is back…and he’s asking for her help.

 

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